7/28/09

shy

the questions will come at a pace so careful but probably not careful enough. i want to send you a letter. real paper with real ink. sometimes i stop myself from saying. as it is easier to write than to say, it is also easier to send by distance. safe from an instant reply. the sweetest place to find yourself lost.

why i am shy, what a question. um... well, i have anxiety in a general way. wearing my heart on my sleeve gets me into trouble so i guess my natural response is to be small, to hang back. shyness is a refuge, however cursed it makes me feel.

danger is the word no... actually it's the word maybe. i don't think i can take anymore murky water. i want to know what's underneath, exactly the shape, the exact tone. or i will know nothing at all and bob along, one beautifully fucked up head in the water. danger is in the needing. it shines a light further in than all others. danger is most in repeating the past. this is most tender and fragile, and that which we press so hard against.

you're asking about a specific idea, i think as much you've gathered. i can't take the pot off the stove; fast fizzles the boil of water. i can't take the lid off the pot. what if there is nothing inside? i'm trying to mold the proper branch of time. schooling myself not to force this all. choosing a better material. be gone silly weak thin wire.

i've felt watered down the past few days but i am striving for concentration. no matter what i do today, i'll be short. this is not to say i am spiky or sharp or squished or blunt. i'm not even upset. some days are just meant to go on without remark. this feeling, it says this is either a day i will vividly remember or a day i've long been meant to forget.

4 comments:

  1. i'll send my address if you ever want the option of sending letters.

    it's been so long since i've recieved an actual letter. is it ok if i were to reply in kind? i still like writing letters. is your email still the same?

    i think murky water has only given us trouble.

    i'm in a mood today where i'm feeling cautious but willing and wanting to explore.

    i feel gingerly timid but in it for the long haul in which whatever the outcome comes out to be will be.

    does that make sense?

    your words today awe and as ever fascinate.

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  2. also, do you know about this?
    http://www.ehow.com/write.html

    seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  3. eveyinorbit@yahoo.com. letters for everyone!

    yes it does make sense.

    i did not know about the ehow thing. have you ever written an article there? dunno what i could write about. atc's maybe.

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  4. i want to write one but it appears you can write one about anything.. my mom actually told me about this and you can make money from what she said doing it.. i know you have a lot of great ideas and know hows..

    ReplyDelete