my sister's 22nd birthday was a few days ago. most people don't know i even have siblings and in a way i don't. she looks like a porcelain doll version of my mother. my mom is kinda brown and yellow from the smoke and her forays into dementia. the last time i saw her, my mother that is, she had grown her scraggly grey hair out past her shoulders. visits with her are like a once a year thing so the impact of time strikes hard. her insides are catching up with her. i can remember the exact year she let go. 2003. i was happy cause i thought she'd finally roll up and die.
the royalty of nature. damp summer mornings. the songs were for that. i missed the meteor shower thing. the perseids. my thoughts were blooming that night, i recall. writing, and every part of my normal life, seemed to be riddled with jinx. if i ate for pleasure rather than for necessity she might die. if i watch weeds without her she might die. crazy i know but that kind of thing runs deep within me and i can't find the control to ignore it.
the fish. every day he'd look dead. motionless. floating about. this time it wasn't a joke. i tapped on the glass like always but he was just gone, white around the gills. all pipes lead to the ocean. r.i.p george
when will the mixes begin? if i give this song to you what will you give back to me? i'm really into elton john lately and i've got no good explanation. a girl i once knew was disney obsessed and she dragged me to see the lion king 4 fucking times. i actually downloaded the circle of life song. with all this morality flying around i figured it couldn't hurt.