6 days and the things i had to say

my sister's 22nd birthday was a few days ago. most people don't know i even have siblings and in a way i don't. she looks like a porcelain doll version of my mother. my mom is kinda brown and yellow from the smoke and her forays into dementia. the last time i saw her, my mother that is, she had grown her scraggly grey hair out past her shoulders. visits with her are like a once a year thing so the impact of time strikes hard. her insides are catching up with her. i can remember the exact year she let go. 2003. i was happy cause i thought she'd finally roll up and die.

the royalty of nature. damp summer mornings. the songs were for that. i missed the meteor shower thing. the perseids. my thoughts were blooming that night, i recall. writing, and every part of my normal life, seemed to be riddled with jinx. if i ate for pleasure rather than for necessity she might die. if i watch weeds without her she might die. crazy i know but that kind of thing runs deep within me and i can't find the control to ignore it.

the fish. every day he'd look dead. motionless. floating about. this time it wasn't a joke. i tapped on the glass like always but he was just gone, white around the gills. all pipes lead to the ocean. r.i.p george

when will the mixes begin? if i give this song to you what will you give back to me? i'm really into elton john lately and i've got no good explanation. a girl i once knew was disney obsessed and she dragged me to see the lion king 4 fucking times. i actually downloaded the circle of life song. with all this morality flying around i figured it couldn't hurt.

1 comment:

  1. i love elton john. for my 18th birthday i saw him in concert with billy joel, i love him too. i could make you mixes just based on the both of them. you may or may not already be hip to that though, you probably are. i dunno.

    this one song that i downloaded for you just now http://www.sendspace.com/file/okkrro i hope you don't already have it but its funeral for a friend/love lies bleeding.

    the first part of the song listen with your eyes closed or/in a dark room. the second part loves lives bleeding turn on the lights or open your eyes. i dunno thats what i do. i imagine everyone listens to it differently.

    do you think you will ever write a biography? i've been thinking about that lately. i love reading them. my life has to be interesting to someone but i don't think i've lived enough yet. i feel like a lot of things about me are unwritten. it's always interesting to read how you word things. i'm sorry to hear about your fish.