8/9/11

malaise


I feel like a ragged lion.

My creativity is ruled by my mood and energy level, which I imagine is just like everyone else. If those two elements are at a mutual low, the most genius of ideas and brightest sparks of inspiration will not survive long in my mind. And forget about execution. Now add a still going strong 4 month strain of sinus infections. Any glimmer of hope drips from my limbs, and everywhere I stand is puddles.

This is not a creative block in the traditional sense, because I am not stuck, hunched over my desk, praying for the strength to make something. I simply don't care about making anything. Not ever, just not now. And, this post is not a complaint. I am genuinely fascinated by what this ambivalent mind frame is all about. Is it a necessary part of my process? Is it a bad habit? Should I cultivate it or cut it out?

Make it work, right?


When I feel this way there are only a few things that make me feel better, and most of them are quite unhealthy. Food of course would be high on that list. Reconnecting with an old muse for the sake of feeling like a great writer for 10 minutes is also a mistake I have made. Most of what I ever said to her, I realize, I was trying to say to myself.

"I think you should hit things. when I read what you write I feel as though you want to hit things. perhaps people. perhaps me. but things will do."

Self portraits are the other feel good pill. Good as in productive. Relevant, even if only to myself. Tapping the vein of vain. I'm talking no frills, no concept, camera in my face, and stare it out photos.

I guess my point is, when you feel like you cannot do anything, you can always press a button. You should press the button.

4 comments:

  1. Just relax -rest- watch tv -read a book -eat chocolate-nice wine -loads of yummy pasta-etc etc and next week you will be fine-and if not repeat the process until you're ok !!!!!!!!!!

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  2. @patricia... thanks for the kind words. I am just in the middle of moving house and pretty much everything is out of whack. I'm looking forward to bluer skies.

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  3. Evey, I just found you on etsy.
    What a breath of fresh air you are, even in the midst of your move, your lingering sinus infection, your latest post on ennui. Your honesty seems somewhat defiant which I can relate to as one forever tries to break free from self-imposed limitations and physical constraints.
    I think I must follow your startling creativity.
    Thank you for giving the opportunity to see into your creative process! I see brilliance in you.

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  4. @enchanted blue planet... from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

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